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Cancer and dating

cancer and dating-84

The average life expectancy of an MBC patient is three years. I have said many times that I do not have an expiration date stamped anywhere on my body. And while I have never been the type of woman who feels the need to always have that in her life, sometimes I do feel its absence. The ending of that relationship was surprising and not at all representative of the respect and sincerity that I felt was a part of the relationship. Nevertheless, I have been so focused on the ‘HOW’ the relationship ended, that I have not given much thought to the “WHY”.With proper, effective treatment, I could outlive the majority of people that I know. I continue to have a very full life and am grateful for each moment of it. For approximately eight months, I was seeing someone who I thought was wonderful, kind, funny. Priding myself on self-awareness, I am aware of my moods, emotions, reactions, and how I present that to those around me.

I was in so much pain from the stress on my bones that I could not go on more than half way.I looked upon people who were going through treatment and had partners with such envy. Even writing the timeline in point form exhausts me and it just shows the big picture.I thought they were lucky to have someone who would love and support them throughout their cancer “journey.” I’ve come to realize that this isn’t always the case – sometimes love and support don’t grow in times when you think they will. A friend tried to set me up with someone during chemo. I was a bit irritated – I knew/know what I deserve. On that day, sitting there bald and in pain, it wasn’t even an option. What I didn’t list are the plethora of tests and appointments associated with each phase.I never really opened up and talked about the fear I live with every day.I have never discussed, with anyone really, that I have a good idea about how I will die. I see it daily with people, sisters, friends I have come to know and love.They are painting a portrait for those of us still here of what is to come.

I hate the idea of having someone love me and then putting them through that.

When I began writing this blog post, I thought I could encompass most of the things I wanted to say about dating and breast cancer.

It became apparent very quickly that more than one post is necessary.

Everything listed above happened in less than two years. I remember coming out of my hysterectomy and feeling completely done – with the pain, making difficult decisions and finding the silver lining in every situation.

As I emerged from the haze of cancer, I realized many of my friends were in relationships or getting married and I had missed out on what most people consider prime dating years.

At first, I focused on how cancer made me different.